The Search is ON, may the odds be in your favor.

I just realized something, and I had to do this because my mind is overflowing with thoughts that I've never had before. Last night, I just learned something about myself and you might think I'm lame for saying this, but I'll say it anyway, I think I'm the uptight-not-the-gimikera type of girl, who is rigidly conventional in a lot of ways, and also the type who just enjoys her peace and quiet. Nerd mode on.

I realized that dancing like a dufus in a bar with loud pounding music with gazillion decibels doesn't appeal to me anymore, magdagdag ka pa ng pervert just lurking around the corner na naghihintay mahipuan ka. LOL. NOT my idea of pleasure. Nerd in progress.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against my party peeps friends out there, in fact I admire them for their free spirit, I admire them for not being restrained to what's conventional and for not always conforming to the rules, for example just like last night, they can just dance without giving a fuck on what others may think even if they're already making a fool out of themselves, not like me, I always feel the need to have to control over everything. I'm a control freak.

Have you ever sat down and thought about what you’re going to be doing tomorrow, next week, next month or even next year? Do you plan every single detail of your life out on a map? Do you have the tendency to control every aspect of your life as much as possible? If you do, you’re now diagnosed to be a control freak like me. I always want to be in control. Even though I come off as a permissive and defenseless kind of person, I’m constantly planning things out or try to find ways the work things to my favor. You can say that I’m a control freak and a little bit manipulative if you want but sometimes, I have so much in my head and I don’t know where to start, like what I felt last night. When everybody else were having fun all I could think about were the ACLS ECG Rhythms. (18days countdown.)

So now I unleash to you my inner "Party Pooper" side. Another thing that sucks is that no one invites me anymore to anything, not even my friends in Manila, however its reasonable that I'm not getting any invites here in NOLA because I don't have friends here who I can hang out with, not even our vietnamese neighbor, I need to go out and meet new people, and make new friends. I can't expect for friends to be thrown in my lap. I'll try in my next ACLS class. Let's see how socially capable I am to make this work. Will let you know ASAP. LOL. Okay, back to being a party pooper. I’ve accepted that I am one. Go ahead. Call me one. I can’t say I don’t care, because obviously I do if I’m typing all of this out. 

I just want to find the...

Meredith to my Cristina, 

Wilson to my House,

Serena to my Blair

When I find this person and this kind of friendship then you can invite us to your party LOL. All I want is to find my person, someone who understands me, accepts what shit I do, who I can act totally crazy with like this...

then maybe, we can do this together.

and please be the one to convince me to go beyond my comfort zone...

Last night was a life changing experience because I realized I'm not a party animal.

My idea of a fun is watching a good movie with my hilarious friends out in a mall or reading my favorite book in a white sand beach with the sound of waves in the background, long walks on parks or places I've never been to, try different restaurants and indulge in my weakness and pig out, drink with my favorite people at a house party or somewhere until I pass out, sit in a couch and talk about anything under the sun during a thunderstorm, or take a picture of random stuff and do a photo shoot for vanity purposes or hang out with my friends and play water balloon fights or cards and I like to create things I can see everyday that make me feel good when I see them, like this blog site and also I like to stay up late watching my favorite series or movie marathons. I also love amusement parks, roadtrips, travel, go to concerts of my favorite singers/ bands, etc. but the most important part of all, in any kind of friendship is that, they must accept you for who you are.

 Yup. My soul sister where are you??


Dear future BFF, selosa ako, pag sinabing best friend, hindi pwedeng marami, isa lang, ako lang. Ipagsisiksikan ko sarili ko sayo kasi trip kitang kasama, parehas tayo ng mga gusto, goals, dreams, nasasabi ko sayo lahat-lahat, tanggap mo na snob ako sa una pero pag nakasama mo na ako ang gusto ko lang lagi tumawa, kapag nag-away tayo, pagkain lang katapat ko. Pag nakapatay ako ng tao, ikaw ang unang una kong tatawagan, sana tulungan mo akong maghukay at hilain ang bangkay na yon sa hukay. Gusto ko lagi tayo tatawa ah, dahil mababaw lang kaligayahan ko, pag sinabi ko sayo lahat ng sikreto ko, hanggang sa malagot na hininga mo dapat walang makaalam nun, wag mo ako iiwan kahit ano mangyari LOL. Madrama din ako, tulad ngayon. Pag usapang shopping, pigilan mo ako, dahil pag may nakita akong gusto ko kahit di ko kailangan, bibilhin ko. Gusto ko sabay tayong magjogging at magpapayat at magdiet. Kung may boyfriend ka na, dapat may "Yang" time tayo. Kapag tinatake kita for granted, pagalitan mo ako. Wag lilipas ang isang linggo na hindi tayo nag uusap. Pag KJ ako pilitin mo ako. Pag malungkot ako, hawakan mo lang kamay ko. OKAY. Drama ko. Too much Grey's Anatomy lately. Pero wag mo lang ako pasayawin ng todo sa bar or club medyo awkward lang ang moves ko. I'm not born with coordination. Probably ganito ako.

Pero in reality ganito talaga ang ganap. Controlfreak.

Just because I don’t get wasted at parties every weekend doesn’t mean I don’t have fun.  There’s no need to pretend that I’m someone I’m not so why should I?  This is what makes me happy and that’s just who I am.  So tell me, what makes you happy?

I just had a vivid recollection of my partying days.

I don't forget to go out every once in a while BUT I was not so enthusiastic about last night's happy hour (maybe because I was with adults not my age, like my parents and my uncle, and uncle's friends). It was a parent trap.

I was the girl last night who went to this happiest party place on earth, Bourbon St., who walked up to the bar (with parents), the girl who didn't drink, didn't dance, didn't socialize (because parents were on her ass), so just stands off to the side like a creepazoid and was staring at her phone looking at updates and decides to tweet how bored she was, then after a little while her battery died on her, so she didn't have any choice but to just take pictures instead. Yup. End of story. Bored and alone. P.S. No partying with parents please.

I was so out of place, and I badly wished for a best friend at that instant who can save me from the awkward partying with the older adults and get at least a friend to talk to and drink with while they do other things, that's why I'm even writing this blog, will the real Meredith to my Cristina please stand up?? I know I'm not good in keeping friends but if I find you, I promise not to slack on my best friend duties. ;) So I will be putting it out here and hope someone comes along soon. When that happens, I'll bring you to most wildest party place on earth, and we can act all goofy and dance and sing our hearts out and jump and party the night away without fear of judgment. I can't wait for that day. If we've already met, lemme know if I'm your person and I'll be your person too, if not the search is on and may the odds be in your favor. :)

So I think that's all for now, Ta-tah!


Smooches, 
P

If you always feel that you are NOT thin enough. Read.

Sakit ng mga kalamnan ko. Ganito pala after BLS at after mag "Push Hard, Push Fast." Na-stretch ng kaunti ang mga katabaan. Speaking of katabaan, I feel like blogging about eating disorders, Anorexia and Bulimia. Sinong meron? Itaas ang kamay...

ME.

Nung isang araw, di ko nalang biglang mapigil na biglang kumain, na-tomjones talaga ako te. As in KAIN. May nakita ako sa fridge, tirang ulam. Linafang ko to the max.

Sarap eh, you know, kumain. Pero after.....pinagsisihan ko, at bigla ko na lang naisip mag purge. Shet. Bulimic.

Oo na. Alam ko mali. Pero, guilting-guilty talaga ako. Ayaw ko ng tumaba, utang na loob. I'm currently obsessed sa weight ko. When I wake up in the morning, compulsion ko ang mag timbang. So going back to the topic, after purging, ang sakit ng lalamunan ko, at nasusuka pa ako ulit, parang there's food left in my throat that needs to go.

Ayaw ko na sya gawin ulit. Ang sakit eh, literal. So ibang measures na ang ginawa ko. I looked for Dulcolax everywhere. Warning: Sa mga kumakain po sa mga kani-kanilang mga tahanan, the next sentence is yucky, so......ayun...Babae sa Septic Tank na ang peg ko, if you know what I mean, para i'd feel less guilty sa mga kinain ko. So, I won't get into the eeewwy details, okay? Pero i-gif nalang natin.... LOL.

WAHAHAHAHA! 

I'm almost out of my diet pills, and I want another kind. What I'm taking now is like a placebo. I thought these diet pills were supposed to make me less hungry, so why have i been starving literally 24/7 since i started taking them? LOL. It doesn't suppress my appetite at all!! Have you ever tried diet pills? Did they work? What kind? Mine is this...

I'm trying not to do it again (Binging and Purging). I'm trying to change my habits. I'm trying to chew my food as much as I can, counting 50 seconds before swallowing it.

I tend to skip breakfast and some meals, I try to sleep it off. I'm trying not to starve myself. I'm trying...and hoping no ulcers please!!  

Now, I'm deciding to do something about it. I want a change in my lifestyle. I want that skinny summer body. LOL. 

So I went looking for a Zumba class near me. I really need to work out, even just for an hour/day, but not forgetting to be ready for ACLS in 15 days. An hour won't hurt right? I'll still have the rest of the day with my book. I'm really worried though. I hope I get through ACLS alive. LOL

EGG-zayted to take this course!!!

I just want to be thin, fit and happy. I feel the need to burn this calories!!! I'm soooooo excited to sweat. I'll let you know if the Zumba class is effective or not. I'll blog how the sessions went after a week and maybe try to do treadmills in between and document. I just hope Zumba won't kick my ass.

Current Weight: 120+++++++++ lbs

Unrealistic Goal after Zumba: 100 lbs

LEZ do this!!! So, how about you? What are your thoughts about losing weight? Have you tried Zumba? Feel free to comment. To all my readers out there na medyo chubby, mag damayan tayo!! LOL.

Well, I think that's it for now!! Ta-tah!!

Smooches,

P